by Tom Gibson, IL Saints Softball Coach
We did it! We made out of 2020! With the super weird year full of pandemics, politics, and church services over Zoom behind us, it is time to start looking forward to what is ahead in 2021.
Will we still remember how to play? Will we remember how to get to the prisons? Will we have to wear hazmat gear on the field? Who knows for sure, but in the meantime, we need to figure out how to pay for it all. As we look forward to a more normal prison ministry season, we will have to figure out some ways to do some fundraising so we can be ready to hit the road in 2021.
Late Night Infomercial: Did you ever stay up late watching your team play a game on the west coast but then you wake up and find yourself watching the commercial to buy the piece of workout equipment that can also be used as a steak knife and gets the hardest stains out of your shirts? Of course you have! Cue up that one Sarah McLachlan song they play for the animal adoption commercials, because we are going to have a spot that airs between 2:45 a.m. and 3 a.m. on Thursday mornings on the Weather Channel!
Softball Team Hit-a-Thon: Get your credit card ready, because there shouldn’t be anything more impressive than a bunch of middle aged guys who haven’t swung a bat in 18 months trying to hit. You can sponsor a missionary athlete as they see how many balls they can hit that day. You can donate $1 per hit…or miss depending on who your favorite MA is… But wait, there’s more! If you act now, we will include an autographed picture of Cliff Goller [OR UNSUSPECTING INFAMOUS MA] absolutely free!
Used Book Sale: Missionary Athletes, do you know of that one book that you got from that one men’s retreat that you just don’t have time to read? Or maybe the fitness book that is supposed to get you in shape for playing recreational sports? Or the one you got for Christmas from your aunt that is written by that one TV preacher who has all of that crummy theology? Maybe you really are going to get around to actually reading these or maybe they are propped under a table leg somewhere but here is your chance to get the most value out of it by selling it at our used book sale! Of course, part of the plan to success is having that person to also not read the book and donate it again next year!
50/50 Raffles: Whoa, whoa, whoa… I’m pretty sure that our Sunday school teachers call this gambling!
PBS Style Telethon: I’ve already made the calls and set it up with our local PBS station. We should be able to get someone like Tony Danza [OR FADING CELEBRITY WHO IS DESPARATE FOR A GIG] to host the event. The North Georgia team will perform a choreographed melody of Backstreet Boys songs to start the evening. They will be followed by [INSERT UNSUSPECTING MA HERE] who will be juggling softballs, bowling pins, and chainsaws… [MA NAME HERE] knows how to juggle, right? Later on in the evening, board president, Jeff Marthins will do a comedy bit on the life of prison ministry and being mistaken for Glen Beck. As of right now, I am doing a five hour drum solo between 1 a.m. – 6 a.m. as I haven’t found anyone else to take those spots…
Do we know what 2021 is going to be like? Absolutely not. But with a little help from some foolproof fundraising and Tony Danza, we should be ready for whatever happens!