by Tom Gibson, IL Saints Softball Coach
The calendar just rolled over to 2022, and our current Missionary-Athletes aren’t getting any younger. It is high time to start recruiting the next generation of MAs! We recently sent our scouting and talent acquisition team out to the church and park leagues across the nation to find some younger blood to whom we can hand the baton. Unfortunately, when we got there, we found empty softball fields and deserted church gyms because the younger generation isn’t playing rec sports; they’re all at home on the couch playing video games!
In order to reach the Xbox generation, we have quickly adjusted our strategy and are developing “Saints Prison Ministry: The Video Game.” We have no doubt it will be the hot ticket video game of 2022! Here is what is in store for the gamer:
It is Dangerous to go Alone…Take This!
Did I mention that we are all getting old at the same time? The best way to combat that is diet and exercise, BUT the second best way to combat the aging process is video game Power Ups! Just like your favorite Nintendo classics, we will have Power Ups that will boost performance and alertness over a short burst. They are the same 5-hour energy drinks that we already use during an early morning game, but we will think of a cool song to play after you drink them! We will also have a Power Up for our buses. It will be like the blue shell used in Mario Kart and it will help out while trying to navigate Atlanta’s Perimeter Highway or Philly’s Sure-kill Expressway!
One of the best features of the game is the ability to create and modify your favorite Saints player. This will make the game as realistic as you want or make some slight upgrades. Tim DiBenedetto hasn’t hit a triple since George Bush was in office… (no, the other George Bush!) But, thanks to the create-a-player, you can turn his speed up to 99 and watch him go! Gio Ortiz handles himself very well on the court but imagine if we could make a slight adjustment and make him 7’2”! The only drawback is that Butch Smith’s powered up character hits 70 home runs per season and is now wanting a $140M contract!
We are still working out the bugs…
…but our Princess is in another Castle The greatest game ever made was Super Mario Bros. 3. If you wish to disagree with me, please message me and I would be more than happy to convince you! Some of my favorite things about the game are the side quests and extra things you get to do while you make your way to defeat the evil Bowser. Our game will also include side quests; like finding a tire shop in the middle of Nowhere, IL, trying to uncover hidden Hugh Dwyer food items worth maximum points, surviving Hurricane Matthew during the 2016 South Carolina Crusade, or my personal favorite, a quest to find a place in South Florida that is open late at night and sells baseball shoes…big enough to fit 6’5” Don Conner!
With pre-order sales outpacing Minecraft and the new Legend of Zelda game, we are sure to have a generation that will be on fire about being part of the Saints Prison Ministry! Our next challenge will be teaching them to do things like hit, shoot free throws, not use their hands, and pretty much anything else to do with playing outside!