by Tom Gibson, IL Saints Softball Coach
I have no doubt the day is coming. No doubt whatsoever. Any day now it is going to happen; we will be purchased by the Walt Disney Company just like the Avengers, The Muppets, and Star Wars. With the impending offer coming any day, we should be considering what we have to offer to best impress the Disney Board of Directors with what we have to offer.
Illinois Bus…The Ride – Families will book their Walt Disney World fast passes months in advance to ride the legendary bus! Does the animatronic bus ride break down on the Dan Ryan in Chicago while trying to merge onto I-55 or does it break down in a busy left turn lane in East St. Louis? Thrill ride seekers can sit in the back near the exploding floorboards, while those looking for a flume-ride splash experience can sit in the front where the windshield leaks during a thunderstorm!
Star Wars Mandalorian Season 2 featuring Saints Crusade to Tatooine – While we are playing indoor soccer at the local intergalactic detention center, there is unrest when Mandalorian bounty hunters confuse Jonathan Lambert with Obi Wan Kenobi. Production is slowed down a little as the iconic Mandalorian helmet “somehow” ends up at a prison ministry charity auction. Millions of Disney Plus subscribers will be torn between what is more adorable: Baby Yoda or Rodney Stewart’s North Carolina accent!
Regular Programming on ESPN – Disney owns a controlling stake in ESPN so, with our world-class sports ministry, this is a perfect match! We could do regular segments on SportsCenter or a weekly panel discussion show. This is a great idea, and I know of a few guys with conflicting sports opinions who would wreak havoc on the sports talk shows. Is Joe Girardi the right manager for the Phillies? Is Carson Wentz foolhardy or just brittle? Does Ben Simmons really have to be able to shoot? On second thought, maybe it would be best not to include the Philly sports fans in this part of the business…
Toy Story 5 featuring Andy Solomon – It turns out that Andy Solomon is the same Andy from the original movies! He left them to join the Saints once Disney bought Pixar and now Disney has him back. Tom Hanks and Tim Allen return for another guaranteed blockbuster sequel, and the hijinks ensue when
Buzz Lightyear and Woody stow away inside the literature bag during a Middle Georgia prison visit. This is a heartwarming story where Buzz and Woody learn the joys of friendship and perseverance. Andy learns the heartburn-inducing lesson of double-checking the literature bag for contraband…
Live Action Goofy Cartoon – In the true Disney fashion of taking our beloved animated classics and turning them into live-action film, Disney will remake the Sports Goofy Cartoons using our missionary athletes. As he is the only MA to play a game in every sport, Butch Smith will land the starring role of Goofy.
From the parks to the silver screen to on-demand streaming, this will be without a doubt the most profitable Disney merger to date! We have so many personalities represented on our teams across the country. How can this not be the greatest thing to happen to the entertainment industry?