A Helpful Guide on Joining a Saints Prison Ministry Team
I am excited that you are interested in joining our ministry and that you want to use your athletic ability to share the Gospel in prison. Don’t worry about all of the horror stories you were told…we don’t even own that bus anymore! You will need to complete “just a few” forms, possess a valid ID, and provide your uniform size. You may also find it helpful to review this list to determine where you can help fill some of the needed positions for the Saints:
Shortstop (Softball) – Let’s not mince words: you are the superstar. You are without a doubt the coach’s favorite and things like showing up on time, carrying equipment, and raising support most certainly don’t apply to you. The coach will move heaven and earth to make sure that he can accommodate your schedule and batting order preference.
Center (Basketball)- You’re tall and that is all we are looking for! Can’t shoot? No problem! Passing? That’s for the short guys! We just need you to use whatever coordination you have to get through as much of the game before getting your 5th foul!
Goalkeeper (Soccer) – You’re job is to make the tough stops between the pipes and put your team in a spot to win late. Oh, is this your strength? Awesome! You already have your own helmet with a cool design and know how to keep the puck from going into the net at all costs and…what’s that? Umm, sorry, we don’t need that kind of goalie! Try the Canadian Ministering Mounties Prison Ministry.
Third Base (Softball) – Unless your last name is Robinson, Schimdt, or Santo, you get to play third because no one else wants to. This is also the position that is closest to the inmate bench. The first rocket that goes past you becomes the butt of every inmate joke for the next five hours. What is the best way to field a ball at third base? Wait until it stops rolling and go pick it up!
Left Field (Softball)– You are most likely the youngest and/or fastest guy on the team. You will be playing all 252 innings this summer so don’t plan on aging or anything!
Point Guard (Basketball)- You are the guy who makes things happen and you get the attention of the inmate crowds. We lean on you to be the quarterback of the team while we are trying to get through the day. Too bad most of your SportsCenter Top 10 drives to the basket get messed up by the uncoordinated center!
Server (Women’s Volleyball) – Can you get the ball over the net without interrupting the conversation you have been having with six women seated courtside since we entered the gym? You’re perfect! (Ignore the coach trying to tell you to focus and stop talking – everyone else does!)
Right-Center (Softball) – Let’s face it; this is the Jan Brady of softball positions. Should you be playing left center? Absolutely! If only it wasn’t for the coach’s buddy playing over there! You will get a ball hit once every twelve batters or so, but be prepared to be called off by the left-center fielder….also known as Coach’s Favorite #2.
Left Fullback (Soccer) – You have one very key duty in this position – don’t get noticed! Since everyone on the inmate team wants to score goals, playing this position means you will not see much traffic because they are all bunched in the middle of the field! This allows you to focus on important things like what is happening over on the bocce court. As long as you kick the ball out of bounds the three times it comes near you, the coach will never have a reason to take you out of the game.
As you can see, every Saints athlete has a role on the team and I have no doubt you will be successful…
unless, of course, your role is writing a column for the newsletter!